We interrupt our regularly scheduled program…
I know I’m a writer, and I should be writing about writer stuff…like…continuing the character building blog I’m two posts into. Or maybe even working on editing my next novel? But I really needed to do this one right now because it’s been taking over all of my mind for the last couple of months.
So, this week, I want to talk to you about food. No, I’m not a food blogger, and I don’t want you to confuse me for a foodie, either, because I will eat pretty much anything from the daintiest macron to the hardiest biscuits and gravy. What I am is a food addict. Yeah, that’s right. And the worst part about being a food addict is that you can’t just quit cold turkey like you can with other drugs. You have to eat.
Food addiction was something I can’t honestly remember being without. I remember absolutely gorging myself on anything and everything. Food was a constant. Food was my friend. Food never called me names or excluded me from the reindeer games. In other words, food was love.
I also have other reasons for irrationally overeating most of my life, but I’m saving all of that for my one-woman show. 😉
As you might imagine, I’ve also always had a weight problem. This is tied into the issues I just mentioned, but it’s also because I just simply obsessively/compulsively overeat. I feel the tightness in the belly, and I know I’ve had more than enough food! Yet I always want to keep eating and eating, and it feels so good to be that out of control, and yet totally in control, too! I sometimes eat to the point where I wish I could die, I feel so full! But you know what? I have also felt safe and whole in those moments. I felt like I was responsible for that! I had created my own hell, and no one could stop me!
Everything was going so well, too! Me at 5’ 7’, 240 pounds (that’s just over 17 stone for my British friends and almost 109 kilos to everyone else) literally living very large! Until I felt like I had a cardiac incident while I was driving. Super duper minor, but it was enough to truly freak me out. And mostly, because I thought about the fact that I could have killed 5-10 other people on the road had I really died while driving. Needless to say, I had to do something.
I started working out and eating right. And now here I am, knowing the exact amount of carbs in a red pepper and wondering if I should or shouldn’t have the grain free muffin for breakfast because I also want to have berries for dessert tonight and both of those together might pop me over the 30 gram carb limit for the day.
Have I just traded one obsession for another?
Yes.
Is this obsession healthier than the last one. Uh, YEAH!
I will get back to some writing craft stuff, but I’m also going to say more about food in weeks to come!
